How Modern Pittsburghers “Make” a Pizza
When you are hungry in Pittsburgh there is really only one delicacy that will suffice. Old or young, busy professional or studious collegiate alike – only pizza will get you through those cravings.
So here is a little tip from the culinary masterminds at downtown Pittsburgh’s Pizza Parma on how to get a pizza fast.
Prior to beginning, this is taking into consideration that you are proficient in the English language (especially yinz Pitt and CMU students), dial-tone Morris code
Let’s start with the ingredients
- One Internet Machine (that’s Pittsburghese for a computer, tablet or a smart phone)
- Optional: LAN Line or Legs
- US based currency (sneaking in Canadian coinage may very well ruin this recipe, also no bitcoin – sorry)
- Amount based on personal taste (and capability)
- 1 pair of elastic band sweatpants
- 1 sweat resistant headband
- Boy scout Survival Gear (Compass and map)
- At minimum the following keys on your keyboard: P I Z A R M
- And probably the ability to use Google and arrange those letters to spell “Pizza Parma”
Possible Pizza Toppings:
Where to begin! There are seemingly endless options of cheese, meats and veggies.
- Mozzarella/provolone blend
- Feta Cheese
- Gouda Cheese
- Greek Mountain Cheese
- Ricotta Cheese
- Romano Cheese
- Sharp Cheddar Cheese
- Gyro Meat
- Italian Sausage
- Artichoke Hearts
- Black Olive, Broccoli
- Green Pepper
- Hot Pepper (banana)
- Roasted Red Pepper
- Prepare The Internet Machine: Turn computer on, low to medium heat. Open up a web browser and go to your preferred search engine.
- Search For Pizza Parma – That’s “P” followed closely by a “I”, double “Z” and “A”, tap that space bar then “P”, “A”, “R”, “M”, and finally “A”.
- Select the .us page and then you’re going to want to select “Order Online” right away.
- Now this is where the boy scout survival gear comes in handy. Time to pull out your compass, determine which way is north and locate yourself on the map. Determine whether you are closer to Pizza Parma’s Downtown, Shadyside or Upper Saint Clair Select “Order Now” above the corresponding location.
- Instead of ordering online, you can call. Ordering online is probably the most rewarding and beneficial way of ordering. The self-gratification and overall enjoyment of online ordering cannot be beat but by all means call if you feel that you have to.
- Select the pizza, wings or other food items you’d like! – Remember you’ve got a number of options when it comes to toppings. Make sure you get the one that is absolutely right for you.
- Submit payment details – Spend as liberally as you like. You can get yourself a $12.49 small pizza or you could order $200 worth of pizza to feed that party of yours. We’re like Planet Fitness – the no judgement zone. Well, maybe just a few differences but no judgment holds true!
- As you place your order, pretend to pre-heat your oven. Set your mind’s temperature to 350 and put your timer on for 30 minutes. Now, just when the timer to that imaginative oven being pre-heated is up – you should be receiving a knock on your door.
Now’s the time for you to kick back, strap on those elastic band sweatpants, grab a slice of that delicious pizza pie you labored so diligently over (ordering), and do what Pittsburghers do best – Enjoy the sporting event being televised that day!